Should I get a divorce? Should I separate from my partner?

As family lawyers, clients often look to us for validation and confirmation that their decision to separate or divorce is the right move. Ending a marriage is rarely a straightforward decision. It’s an emotional, legal, and financial turning point that affects every part of your life.

While we cannot offer advice on such a personal decision, this blog post will drawing from insights by therapists and family law professionals. This post will cover emotional considerations, warning signs in relationships, and constructive next steps — and provide resources for deeper reading. Whether you’re feeling distant, overwhelmed, or simply uncertain about the future, this blog post is one of many resources that you might consider.

Divorce brings more than paperwork and logistics; it often involves grief for what once was — the shared plans, stability, and sense of partnership. Even if separation is necessary, those emotions are real and deserve space.

Take time to ask yourself important questions before deciding:

• What will your life look like in 5 years?

• Is reconciliation a genuine possibility?

• What would life apart look like for you, and for your children if you have them?

These reflections may help you tell the difference between temporary pain and a long-term pattern that’s unlikely to change.

Every couple goes through difficult seasons. However, some relationship patterns suggest deeper harm that can’t be resolved simply through time or effort.

Here are key indicators that separation might be a healthy or even necessary step:

1. Abuse or Ongoing Harm
   Physical, emotional, or financial abuse — or any persistent violation of boundaries — requires immediate attention. Safety always comes first, and such behavior rarely improves without professional intervention.

2. Emotional Disconnection
   If the relationship has lost affection and closeness over a long period, and efforts to reconnect keep failing, that signals a deep, enduring gap. (Level Up Wellness)

3. Never-Ending Conflict
   Studies by Drs. John and Julie Gottman show that it’s not the number of arguments that breaks couples apart — it’s how they handle them. Repeated cycles of contempt, criticism, or stonewalling often mean the conflict has reached an unresolvable stage. (The Gottman Institute)

4. Broken Trust
   Trust is the core of any marriage. Repeated infidelities, dishonesty, or financial deceit can damage that foundation beyond repair.

5. Clashing Core Values
   When partners hold incompatible beliefs about major life choices — parenting, finances, or personal goals — constant tension can make the relationship unsustainable.

Feeling torn about divorce is completely normal. Most people waver between the fear of regretting a decision and the fear of staying trapped. Research suggests that some individuals who divorce later experience regret — not because they left, but because they felt unprepared or rushed. Taking time for reflection often leads to greater peace of mind in the long run. (Stylist)

Practical Steps for Those Considering Divorce

1. Work with a Therapist or Counsellor
   Professional guidance can help you understand emotional patterns and clarify what’s right for you. Couples therapy may lead to renewal, or simply closure — both valuable outcomes. Explore insights from the Gottman Institute

2. Plan a Respectful Separation
   If divorce becomes the next step, consider routes that reduce conflict, such as mediation or collaborative divorce. These approaches protect emotional well-being and foster cooperation, especially when children are involved. Read strategies for managing high-conflict divorces

3. Get Legal Advice Early
   Understanding your rights is critical. A family lawyer can explain your options, from parenting arrangements to property division, and help you make informed decisions with confidence.

4. Prioritize Your Well-Being
   Recovery takes care and compassion for yourself. Rely on friends, family, or support networks, and engage in activities that restore energy and balance.

Choosing whether to remain in a marriage or move on is deeply personal. There’s no checklist that fits every person’s journey. By giving yourself time to reflect, seeking qualified guidance, and educating yourself about both emotional and legal aspects, you can reach a decision rooted in self-respect and clarity.

Divorce doesn’t have to be viewed as a failure — it can mark the beginning of a more peaceful, authentic chapter in life.

If you’ve decided that a separation or divorce is right for you, consider connecting with a Mint Legal lawyer to learn more about your legal rights and the pathway to formalizing your separation. You can set up a free half hour consultation by clicking HERE.